How to Make a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich
by God Emperor Penguin
Summary: After getting shot down by Weiss, Jaune decides to go to the school dance with Pyrrha as a friend. This leads to the perfect set of ingredients for making a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich.


**How to Make a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich**

**RWBY**

_Written from the perspective of Weiss Schnee_

**Summary : **_After getting shot down by Weiss, Jaune decides to go to the school dance with Pyrrha as a friend. This leads to the perfect set of ingredients to make a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich..._

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I am not jealous. I am not!

Who in their right mind would be jealous? Oh, so just because I told Jaune '_no_' after singing a serenade at my door, throwing rocks at my window, and ambushing me when I was walking out of the girl's powder room with flowers and _an orchestra band_, I'm somehow the bad guy? That's ridiculous! You know what? I'm actually glad he found a date. At least he's not bothering me anymore. He can go have fun with his… sporty… butch… cerelbox sponsored floozy!

Good on you, Pyrrha. Have fun with Jaune.

"Uh… Weiss… are you done?" Ruby asked before eating another cookie. "Because you sound really, _like really_, jealous right now."

Here I was, venting to my team about this whole situation. It's utterly ridiculous! There's a rumor going around that I'm jealous… or how the low-born peasantry call it, "_I'm jelly._" Me? Weiss Schnee? Heiress to the largest and most powerful company in Remnant history? Me, jelly?

Oh no.

"You sound jelly," said Yang as she plucked a cookie from Ruby's box. "You sound so jelly. Should I get some bread? Because you're so jelly right now that I can taste the jam!" Yang slapped her knee like she just told the joke of the century.

Ruby snorted a laugh at that crude joke.

"Haha! Got that right, sis! What about you Blake?"

Blake sat in shadows, rocking back and forth.

"Torchwick… White Fang… evil everywhere… yes… yes… all very funny… yes…" Her voice was cracked and raspy. Blake's eyes glowed in the darkness of her bottom bunk. "Joke… funny… yes…"

Yeah, Blake hasn't been the same since that one night.

"Well, moving on…" Yang said with another cookie in her mouth. "Hey Ruby, you want to hear the recipe to making the perfect '_Jelly-Weiss Sandwich_'?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, alright. So you take one Weiss and a Jaune… and you take away the Jaune!"

Ruby began laughing like a maniac. It's not that funny!

"Oh oh, Yang! I got one! You take two slices of bread and spread some Weiss on one and Jaune on the other… then you get a third slice of bread with Pyrrha-Butter…"

"Ruby. My sides. Oh… oh…"

From shadows, Blake added. "Two slices of bread… One Weiss… No Jaune… haha… laugh please… was joke… White Fang still out there…"

Ruby and Yang were dying of laughter in front of me. And I was dying too but for different reasons. "Stop. Please. My heart." I was clutching my chest.

These jokes were seriously hurting my soul. I stood up and left the room. Anywhere would have been better than there! I entered the school courtyard at night and from the windows at the top of her lungs, Yang shouted.

"Jelly-Weiss Sandwich spotted!"

Those. Gigantic. Uncultured. _Idiots_.

I am not jealous!

And I'm definitely not a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich!

"Argh! Damn you! Curse you! I hope you got burn in…" I began cursing, not thinking or taking notice of my surroundings. "Just go burn, Yang! Go burn!"

"Uh… Weiss?" Neptune stood in front of me.

Oh. Neptune.

He wasn't supposed to see that.

"Neptune! Hello! Fancy meeting you out here. Taking a nice stroll? Come, come, let's take a nice long walk and chat a little." I looped my arm around his before he could reply and dragged him somewhere far and away from the dorms. We went to the library… then we visited the arena… then was walked past Ozpin's office for some reason…

Long story short: Weiss Schnee was going to the dance with Neptune.

Who's jelly now? Huh? _Huh_?

"Weiss. I'm not jealous… or '_jelly_' as you're putting it," said Jaune as he took a bite of his meal consisting of two slices of bread with some sort of sweet fruit spread in between and butter made from peanuts. We were both in the cafeteria, as I told the grand news that I was no longer un-escorted to the dance. "You're going with Neptune, I'm going with Pyrrha. At least neither of us is going alone right? So shouldn't we both be happy?"

Okay. Hold it.

"Wait. You aren't jelly-I mean-jealous? _Why!?_"

I wanted to slam my hands onto the table for full effect. But my semblance accidently activated the table flew through the roof… It's okay. I can pay to fix that. I have money. I can do what I want. But I couldn't look at Jaune's face again until the dance a few days later.

It was held in a quiet reception hall and everyone attended. There I was in a beautiful custom-made and very expensive white dress. Neptune was dressed fashionable of course. Yang wore yellow… Ruby wore red… Blake… well she's still the same… sort of…

"Sun… dance… want to? Most enjoyable…"

The monkey doofus rubbed the back of his head like the doofus he is. "Uh… sure…" And the pair went off the dance floor. Neptune was beside me giving his team captain a thumbs up when I nudged him.

"Oh, hey Weiss."

"Neptune."

"Yes?"

"I would like to dance."

"Oh? Really? Uh…" Neptune looked around nervously. "I'm not really the dancing type… say I'll get us some food and drinks alright? You can wait here." Neptune pointed towards an empty table with a folding chair. And with that, Neptune slowly stepped backed up before going in a fast-paced walk towards Yang with her low-cut sparkling dress. They're chit-chatting… _Argh_! That… cheap… shameless… floozy!

I'm not jelly. I mad. _So mad_.

I took a seat when I saw Jaune. And Pyrrha who was in a red dress. Okay. But… _Damn_. Does Pyrrha look _hot_. And now they're smiling and greeting. Pyrrha's arms is wrapped around Jaune's… now they're dancing… I want to stop watching but I just can't. I can't.

Where the hell is Neptune with my food?

"Hey Weiss," said Neptune. "Sorry it took so long… there was… a uh… line…" A line, sure. A line to to push your way to talk to Yang but okay. "But here! I got us some good food!"

"Wonderful. I'm starving." I need some food to clear my mind. "What'd you get?"

Neptune held up a sandwich. Not just any kind of a sandwich. But an un-frickin'-believable-are-you-seriously-kidding-me _jelly_ sandwich.

That's it. That's it, that's it! Weiss smash!

I grabbed the cup from Neptune's hand and tossed the punch into his face.

"Weiss?" Neptune wiped the punch from his face with his sleeves as I walked away towards my next target. "H-Hey! Hold up! What did I do?" I shot a glare at him. "Okay! I got a little side-tracked talking to Yang… b-but-hey! Wait!"

Oh forget him. I got bigger fish to fry… or crescents to snap.

"Pyrrha!"

"Huh?" That stupid queen of tournaments and undefeated matches looked at. She was in Jaune's arm in a mid-slow dance. Look at her… all dressed up like some blow-up doll! "Weiss? Um… do you need something?"

Jaune looked like his usual idiot self. "Um… if you wanna dance with Pyrrha I'm cool with that."

"Jaune… I don't think Weiss wants a dance."

"Pyrrha Nikos," I said after taking a deep breath.

"Weiss?"

"I hate you. I hate how you're perfect and all goodie goodie and get everything you want and your stupid reputation, and your stupid hair, and that stupid dress, and blah! Gah! I hate you! You. You are everything I have ever despised in a person rolled into one! If humanity could take back one floozy back to the depths of its worst nightmares it'd be you!"

The dance stopped. All eyes were on me.

Jaune was the only who said something.

"Wow."

"And you! You… you… you stupid idiot! I hate you! I never wanted to go to this stupid dance with you! And I am definitely not jealous! Absolutely not! You know how I know I'm not jealous? Because I mad! I so mad! Weiss smash!" I kicked Neptune who was behind me. "I so mad!"

"W-Weiss… calm down."

"Pyrrha's right. Weiss you might need a take a seat…" Jaune approached me, probably in an attempt to pull me aside so he put me in a chair or something.

"Jaune," I said looking him in the eyes as his hands touched my shoulder.

"Weiss?"

"Weiss smash."

That was what I said before I smashed my lips onto his.

It tasted bloody.

"Weiss!" Pyrrha screamed. "Jaune! Are you okay? Weiss, I think you broke his nose! It's bleeding bad... W-Why did you do that? I...I don't understand… what?"

I stared at Jaune who was in one-part concussion, one-part daze, and one-part lala land. I ran up onto the stage where they were to announce the King and Queen of the dance. Kicking Masters of Ceremony Ren off the stage who was caught by Nora I took the mic and screamed into it at the top of my lungs:

"_I am not a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich_! That is all."

Drops mic.

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_How to Make a Jelly-Weiss Sandwich Fin_

**Author's Notes :**_That Volume 2 Chapter 5. So entertaining. Ships burning but at least it's funny. Pyrrha, why are you so perfect? Weiss? Why so tsun? _

_It's okay if the ship doesn't sail. At least it's damn funny._


End file.
